Book Review: Screwtape letters

                                                             My Dear Readers,    
        A book written with expert brilliance, the Screwtape Letters are able to combine creativity as well as christian beliefs. From the moment you pick up the book you knew it was going to catch your attention for a while-I mean who wouldn't want to read the conversations of devils? The Screwtape Letters exemplify C.S. Lewis's Christian books-though not in the metaphorical sense that Narnia brought us-because this book gives the reader a sort of watchful eye for methods we as humans are led into more corrupt ways. C.S. Lewis also made it an interesting book even for the non-Christian, as he picks up the persona of a Devil by the name of Screwtape who frustratingly writes to the foolish devil he calls his nephew, Wormwood. If you're one of us that loves not just a good villain but a fantastic villain, you'll enjoy this book. Screwtape isn't the dumb kind of evil you see in the movies-giving his plans away to the hero just before it matters most, Screwtape is the awesome, intelligent evil that you know at least thought the whole thing through. This villain also un-noticeably becomes a nightmare even for you, as his methods involve the greatest covert actions-he could be working on you right now and you wouldn't know it. We here at the Northglenn Morning Show love a good book, and this is one we'd recommend-as our own Executive writer Austin Ketchel remarks it as among his favorite books-to any audience, but most particularly Christians and fellow villain lovers.

We give this book 93 Pancakes out 100
                                                                                          Your Affectionate Morning Show
                                                                                            The Northglenn Morning Show

Henry Report 5/10/2012

Lisa: Welcome to another episode of the HENRY report otherwise known as Henry's RAGE QUIT! For those of you just joining us HENRY stands for: the Helpful Excessively Narcissistic Royal Bank.
Henry: Going with the topic of yesterday's Rage Quit... this week and the next contain the AP Testing and therefore are the topic of our RAGE QUITs. If you feel the same about the AP Tests in our hatred of them-please post your complaints either in the comments of this post or on our RAGE QUIT page on facebook.
Lisa: Also.... John Smith will not be joining us today-in his place please welcome Dr. Bessner onto the show!
Bessner: Danke, Lisa, Danke.
Henry: You know what I HATE about the AP Test!?
Bessner: What?
Henry: You spend the whole (Bleeped out by the editor) year, learnin' this CRAP  and then you see the test.... AND NOTHING YOU LEARNED IN THE CLASS IS ON THE (Bleeped out by the editor) TEST!!!!!
Bessner: Nein, no, you don't know ze half of it!
Henry: OH!?
Bessner: I write these testz and ze STUPID TEACHERS TEACH YOU ZOME CRAP ABOUT FOUR WHEEL OFF ROAD VEHICLES!!!!
Henry: OH OH, don't forget that after the test you feel like you WASTED your time taking a class that didn't teach you crap! You feel like absolute CRAP afterwards!
Bessner: (Shelby Henry? This ones for you) Don't even get me started on reading those essays which seem to have been written in egyptian-ze hand writing is THAT bad!
Henry: Plus if you have the morning session-you have to wake up at the fricken crack o' dawn!
Bessner: I have to spend hours reading your B.S. essay! I'd rather read Kafka!
Henry: AND THE WORST PART!? YOU HAVE TO PAY 85 (Bleeped out by the editor) DOLLARS FOR THIS STUPID TEST!
(Henry and Bessner stand up Ripping the cushions off the sofa they were sitting on, they rip it up in their bare hands. Henry grabs an Xbox 360 and throws it out the window, grabs a crowbar and jumps out himself. Bessner, revs up a chainsaw and starts cutting through everything else still in tact in the room, ripping his clothes off in Incredible Hulk fashion.)
Lisa: .... uhh... We'll get back to you.... umm... ooooh that cannot be good for that piano....

HENRY REPORT 5/9/2012

Lisa: WELCOME TO THIS WEEK'S HENRY REPORT (Henry's Rage Quit)! For those of you just now joining us HENRY stands for: Hairy Evasive Norwich Rum Yodelers.
Henry: *Grumbling* ...Stupid AP Calculus Test...
Smith: Oh, yes you had the AP Calculus Test today didn't you? How'd that go?
Henry: Well it'd be like if you took Nam.... threw some south Korea in for flavor, soaked it in wood alcohol, peppered it with arsenic-basting it with Cyanide of course and steamed it with Mustard Gas.
Smith: Sounds...-*Under his breath* ...Like Stanley's breath, ER I mean  heavenly! Henry you should have been a cook, have I ever told you that?
Henry: ...And you should have been a mormon!
Crowd in the hallway: AMEN!
Lisa: HEY! Me and my father are Mormon!
Henry: And?
Lisa: That stereotype is not true, that was an old part of our history!
Henry: I'll make you a deal: if you can get this deaf British idiot off my show I'll correct my statement!
Smith: Say what?
Henry: ...Or you can go on a date with me-that's also acceptable payment.
Smith: Henry! I didn't know you'd come out of the closet!
Henry: I'm not gay smith!
Smith: Exactly, you came out of the closet about not being gay!

-the following portion of the show has been cut due to excessive arrows to the knee-

-the previous editor was sacked for excessive skyrim jokes-

-the previous editor was sacked for his excessive use of Monty Python and the Holy grail jokes-

-the manager of the Northglenn Morning Show was sacked for technically being the editor who made the Holy Grail jokes and the Skyrim jokes-

-The excessive writer of this excessive show was excessively sacked for excessively excessive use of the excessively excessive word excessive, a new editor has been chosen-

-Pancakes-

Henry:  Today's rage subject is AP tests!
Smith: God, I hate those things!
Henry: Me too!
Bessner: *Walking by* I write those things!
Henry: *AHEM* I shall go first... WHY THE (Bleeped out by the editor) DO THEY HAVE SO MANY (bleeped out by the editor) SAFETY PROTOCOLS ITS NOT LIKE ANYONE IS GOING TO STEAL THE (Bleeped out by the editor) ANSWERS! I MEAN WHO THE (bleeped out by the editor) IS DUMB ENOUGH TO STEAL THEM AND INVALIDATE THEIR TEST!? AND WHO KEEPS BLEEPING OUT EVERY TIME I SAY "WAFFLES"!?
Smith: I know exactly what you mean they're such idiots!
Henry: ...Get Doctor Bessner-I must be coming down with someone if I just agreed with... that man. Hey anyone know where my cell phone went to? I think I left it in the testing center.
Smith: Oh by the way, did you read the text I sent you during the test?
Henry: ...uh... no.
Smith: I got a hold of the answer sheet and texted you all the answers!
Henry: ...
Smith: I'll take that as a "thank you" now let me post them on our website!

Henry: ...
(AP Representative barges into studio)
AP Rep: WHICH ONE OF YOU IS HENRY WARD!
Henry: HIM! *Points to the British man*
Smith: What? Henry you're horrible! Especially after I sent you the answers!
AP Rep: Henry Ward? When we saw you got a five on the test we were suspicious-it was you- but when we found your cell phone-our suspicions were confirmed. You're a rotten cheater! Your test is INVALIDATED. Good day!
Henry: Smith... SAY YOUR PRAYERS BOY! IT WON'T DO YOU NO GOOD THOUGH, GOD AIN'T GONNA FORGIVE A SINNER AS BAD AS YOU!
Father Malachi: *popping up* A-MEN! *Grabs Smith*
Smith: Wait no... HENRY NO!!!!!!