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| Pooh Bear as Radar o' Reilly Illustrated by Trenton Brown |
Narrator: If you’ve come to us today seeking a religious refuge from the dark and sinful world…. You’ve truly come to the wrong place. We join the guys on Captain Sexy’s ship for their Monday night poker game!
Zant: I’m afraid I still don’t understand the concept of this idiotic game, what does this have to do with pancakes!?
Bessner: Or arsenic!?
Smith: For the last time, this is a card game, those little paper things in your hands are cards…
Zant: I thought they tasted funny…
Smith: Gall….
*Father Van Helsing walks in*
Ah Dr. Van Helsing care to join us for a game of cards?
Van Helsing: I think, my good sirs, I shall. Yesterday’s sermon was of…. particular unpleasantries.
Smith: Glad our table can be here for you, Dictator Brown I believe it is your deal?
Brown: Uh, yeah it is
*Cell rings*
hold on guys I gotta’ take this call, the Korean embassador doesn’t like waiting
*Gets up*
Hello?
Bessner: Zo Pleaze explain zis game once again, I’m afraid my pancake loving companion ztill does not understand itz… inedible qualities.
*Zant is cooking a 9of hearts, king of hearts and an ace of spads on a George Foreman grill*
Smith: Zant…. What in gods name…. are you doing!?
Zant: REDEEMING THIS ABOMINATION! I noticed these… cards you called them have a texture resembling that of waffles! So I’m frying them into the delicious heaven that is a warm…. fluffy… pancake…
Pooh: *Enters* Hey guys…
Henry: Whats going on Pooh? Why are you dressed as Radar o’ Reilly?
Bessner: Ya, you seem rather downtrodden.
Pooh: I’ve just received word… that Tinkerbell’s plane was shot down over the Boston Harbor
Zant: Finally, the non-believers are DEAD!
Captain Sexy: *Entering with hands up* Hey guys, no need to panic, got a pirate pointing his sword at my sphincter.
Pirate (Strider): Judging by what you were doing with the monkey and the banana in your room, this shouldn’t be too uncomfortable for you!
Sergeant Averious Cock-n’-balls: Whatever the capt’n does in his free time is own (BLEEPED OUT BY THE EDITOR) business… wait… why was I bleeped out I didn’t even say anything!?
Pooh: We know.
Pirate (Strider): Well during my undercover work Sergeant, you were selling tickets to it!
*no reaction*
Why aren’t you surprised?
Captain Sexy: I told him to sell the tickets.
Narrator: Get on with it Strider!
Bessner: STRIDER!? What are you doing away from Middle Earth!?
Pooh: Wait hold on! Narrator!? You’re in on this!?
Narrator: …yeah… about that…
Zant: Those waffle lovers must have paid you a pretty pancake to help them!
Narrator: …They paid me in World of Warcraft hours…
Pooh: Why am I not surprised…
Bessner: Strider… my old nemesis, my old british nemesis…
Strider: Doctor!
*Pointing sword at Bessner*
I thought my army of undead would have killed you by now!
Bessner: I kept them occupied with my flock of Cuccos. I will defeat you my nemesis!
Strider: I believe you will find me victorious!
Father Malachi: NO! I’ll kill you the both of you…
*Swig of Jinn*
… you German and British swine!
*The three begin fighting Malachi keeps trying to joing in but keeps getting thrown out eventually being thrown into the porthole which he clogs. Strider draws his sword, Bessner an enormous injection needle. Bessner lays a good hit and injects liquid helium into Strider and proceeds by tackling him into the clogged porthole ripping a hole in the ship sending them into the icy waters outside. Captain Sexy stares blankly at the hole in his gorgeous ship*
Dictator Brown: *Returning* So, what did I miss?
